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I’m back.. I hope

Hey guys,

I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I’ve been working on being open and honest with my life but lately I’ve been feeling like shit inside. I do my best to discern whether or not it is appropriate to share with you guys. Part of me says yes because I’m sharing my story, sharing my past - present - and future - and someone out there could feel relieved that someone else is going through the same thing. The other part of me feels like I’m just an emotional basket case that keeps reliving the past and can’t let it go, though I want to.

I want to write everyday, or often rather, and be authentic. I can’t be authentic if I just write about my walk through the woods everyday and pretend life is enchanted when it’s not. Sometimes life just sucks major balls and there’s nothing to do but feel through it.

Every week I seem to have good days and bad days. Despite this, I can still commit to certain things, like releasing more youtube videos and foraging almost every day, and painting! I’m becoming quite happy with my painting skills lately, I had no idea that gouache would be so soothing and rewarding for me. Yesterday I painted a dryad, a tree nymph, and I was blown away - I had no idea I could paint like that! Her name is Nellie, she was inspired by those dryad’s saddle mushrooms I have been talking about so much lately on instagram. The folklore behind them is dryad’s, or the protectors of the trees, would use the mushrooms as seats as they get so big and resemble a saddle. I loved the idea around the folklore and wanted to create a dryad… I quickly looked through photos on Pinterest to get an idea of what they could look like, and to remember how to draw a face… and a bunch of hours later she was finished, blazing red hair and a twig crown, and confident with her femininity. I’ve never created something like this before, something enchanted and… raw I suppose? I’ve always been a bit scared of femininity and being exposed, but painting something like this makes me more open to it and open to those aspects of myself.

As for today, I’m just catching up on some computer work and watching movies with Connor. This week is a bit different around the house because they opened up Wisconsin again. Since Connor can’t go to school, caregivers will be coming over and my MIL will be going into work this week. Austin is busy with his business, so Sparky and I will be hanging out, two pals like always. I’ve been contemplating giving foraging tours… that could take the loneliness out of my days. What do you guys think?

After writing this I went on an adventure in the woods. You will not believe what happened!

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