Today I had a day off for the first time in awhile.
Life has gotten so busy, working two jobs and juggling a social life now. In just a turn of a season, my whole life changed and everything I asked for during winter came to fruition so beautifully. Before I felt so empty and didn't feel like I had anything going on for me, and now I'm filled with abundance in many areas of my life.
Days off lately have felt empty. My soul and spirit need this time to recharge, time to just exist and to just be, though I can't shake this emptiness. Emptiness, not in the sense of being lonely or purposeless, but emptiness as something that is yet to come. Emptiness, like the void space, like the place of being that things have not yet been dreamt, seeds haven't been created yet to be sown. Like opening a door to a glowing pool of water just subtly swishing on the surface, a room of silence and anticipation for something to come. I truly love these days because they give me space to daydream and to contemplate what desires I wish to set out into the Universe.
Part of this emptiness has been an emptying out as well. Emptying out of all that is no longer serving me. Emptying out beliefs about myself that are furthest from the truth of who I truly am. Part of this feeling empty is the processing of such things, moments I have alone to ponder the murk still on the surface. Over the pandemic, there was so much time to learn and research, and admittedly I found myself lost in conspiracy theories. These are things that I found truth in within my heart, but they also hurt me and tore me to pieces. I find that this type of awakening is important for us to face within ourselves and to see other realities, contrast in the world, yet there's no need to keep on that level of vibration. We must be able to find, allow, BE the light in the world and show an example that goodness resides here as heaven is on Earth.
On my walk today, I encountered so many beautiful white flowers in the riparian landscape. Meadow rue, elderflowers, morning glory, yarrow, common milkweed (pictured in the gallery below!). They reminded me of pure, divine, innocent energy and I indulged in their offerings to me. They encourage me to embrace my feminine nature - as most of them hold the feminine, watery energy - and to continue on my path.
I picked a card from the Starseed Oracle deck by Rebecca Campbell that was "Forge, Don't Follow." Lately, I've been waiting for permission from someone, anyone, to do the things my soul is calling me to. In the past, I didn't give a fuck about what I was sharing or doing, I just followed my intuition and completed things easily. In a way, I feel like I lost my powers and intuitive gifts because I felt so shameful for misusing them and betraying myself last year. These things I feel have run their course and it is time to let go. Beliefs about myself that aren't truth. I have felt anything but a leader recently being afraid and hiding; though it takes courage to speak out about of divinity and other dimensional beings and spirituality that is of love and light when the world may show us otherwise. Why on earth would I be ashamed of sharing higher wisdom and beauty from such high vibrational places when it is that energy that will help heal from the inside out? Why would I believe that channeling is a bad thing, or makes me weird or special because I love to do it and others don't?
I wanted to share a poem I wrote with you about emptying out
Sometimes, I have to empty out
to let go, dump all I've learned
perceptions, truths, ways of being
all out of love
to give me ways to learn
and I have
But, sometimes I have to empty out
too much noise, it's too loud
from my cloud
I empty out
it falls like rain
gently to the ground
The thing about being empty
is, now room I have plenty
a space for my soul to reside
infinite, I am inside
At first, it can be scary to let go
but once cleared
has magnificent potential
Seeds I sow
dreams, ways to flow
uncertain, I don't know